Making Amends with My Body
Another nibble on a cookie here, a bite of chocolate there, a quick handful of crackers, a another round of drinks….and 10 lbs later here I am.
Frustrated, angry, pissed, and uncomfortable in my own skin.
This isn’t a fun post to write but it’s one I need to write. I had an emotional breakdown this past Friday over my weight. It was after I complained for the 32nd time to my husband about my pants being too tight, he said “Well if that’s the problem then just work out more and stop eating dessert. And if that doesn’t work well then maybe you should see someone.”
I shot back with “See someone?? Why is it always me who needs help?? (Side note, therapists don’t always like getting a taste of their own medicine) Why is it that I can’t loose a f**king pound when I’m busting my ass at the gym 5 times a week but other people can eat whatever they want and be twigs!! And fine I guess I should give up all desserts for the rest of my life, and while I’m at it I’ll stop drinking and eating all carbs! Oh and I’ll just spend 2 hours at the gym instead of the 1, I guess that’s the ONLY way for me to be happy.”
At that point I was in tears. Drenched in self-loathing and hatred for my own war against my body.
The next morning after the cry fest I woke up feeling like shit. Not only because I had too many drinks the night before but also that I let that incredibly ugly side of me take over. I had 2 choices: (1) continue the pity party with the hopes I’ll magically get blessed with Gisele’s body one day relieving all my problems, or (2) make amends with my body and get healthier.
I opted against praying to the body Gods and decided to make a diet and fitness plan. The problem was where do I begin? Do I need to hire a trainer? Do I need to see a nutritionist? Do I need to sign up with Weight Watchers?
The answer was actually right in front of me. Sitting on my kitchen counter was Joy Bauer’s Food Cures book, a gift I so graciously received from Joy’s publishing team. I had breezed through it before but sadly hadn’t given it much thought since. I opened it up to see if there was anything helpful for someone like me, aka someone who already works out and eats healthy enough. I don’t have diabetes, heart problems, or high blood pressure so I doubted the usefulness.
I was dead wrong.
For the next hour I read through her weight loss chapter taking in every ounce of information. Scrutinized her meal options, calculated out my BMI and daily calorie intake, and started making a grocery list. And then I started writing this post.
I need this blog to hold me accountable for the goals I put forth.
I need to support from you to keep me motivated and not to turn to unhealthy habits again.
I need to make a change in what I’m doing because clearly something isn’t working.
I need to start practicing what I preach.
So here’s the plan for the next 2 weeks:
- Workout at least 5 times a week. This is an easy one since I already have a good gym schedule, it’s just making sure I hit the gym or get some sort of physical exercise almost everyday.
- Pick meal options from Joy’s book which totaling about 1,500 calories a day (300 breakfast, 400 lunch, 500 dinner, and 300 for snacks throughout the day)
- No alcoholic drinks during the week. I don’t need the added calories especially these first 2 weeks.
- Lots of self-love. No more fat talk and body hating thoughts. Just acceptance and patience with the process.
Now this blog is not going to turn into a 3 times a day log of what I ate and did. Sorry folks, you can find plenty of those other places but Morningstar Project is not a food diary. I’ll probably stick to posting 3 times a week because that fits my work schedule best. I’ll post favorite recipes, new diet tips I learn, and weekly updates on my progress. There are sure to be lots bumps and hurdles along the way and I promise I won’t hide any of the setbacks.
For those of you interested here’s Monday’s Health Plan:
Breakfast: Oatmeal with cinnamon, blueberries, and strawberries
Snack: Lite & Fit Yogurt
Lunch: Baby Arugula Salad with carrots, bell peppers, kidney beans, sunflower seeds, and golden raisins. Topped with low-fat Italian dressing. Side of blueberries for munching
Snack: Carrots with hummus
Dinner: Roasted rosemary and oregano chicken with sautéed broccoli and mushrooms
Workout: BodyStep class
Are any of you tackling a fitness or health goal right now?
Any tips for someone just starting a new plan? Any potholes to watch out for?
I would love for any of you to join me! Whether you have 5lbs or 20lbs it’s always better to make big changes with someone else