Oh hello biological clock, can you stop ticking so loudly?
I’ve always known it’s been there. Hell I’ve had my baby names picked out since I was 15 (that’s not a joke either). But suddenly this clock has gotten quite loud. And a little obnoxious.
It’s like a looming deadline I’m supposed to meet. If there is one thing grad school taught me it’s to go completely batshit crazy over deadlines. Because obviously if you don’t meet the arbitrary deadlines people set for you then well…the world will probably end, all the puppies in the world will be snatched up, every ice cream cones will be taken from crying children, and you will die a sad, lonely death. Obviously.
See that puppy? It would be gone if you don't meet your deadlines!
So now as if right on cue, the baby deadline has decided to rear it’s ugly head. Being the over-analyzing therapist that I am, I’ve already figured out why this is happening right now. But since you can’t see inside my head I’ll write a nice pretty list of things:
1. I’m almost 30. Ok so I’m only 28, which in women’s neurotic math minds means that we’re basically 30. And 30 is the age everyone apparently freaks the f*^$ out (I read about in Glamour, which must mean it must be true). I think it’s also the year women take inventory: Husband – check. House – check. 2.5 kids – check. Dog – check. Fabulous collection of designer shoes and handbags – check. Mental breakdown – check, circle, underline, asterisk. Antidepressants and fully stocked wine closet – oh hell yes.
2. My hips aren’t getting any smaller. Seriously I don’t know how I squeezed my tiny ass into some of my jeans because these days no matter how many squats and lunges I do, these curves ain’t going nowhere. In the words of Fantasia “Whoa look at that booty, damn she got them baby making hips for sure!” (yea I didn’t know that was a song either)
3. I’m now attending parties where everyone has kids. Like seriously everyone. And they all talk about their boobs….and hemorrhoids….and poop…and leaky nipples. It’s all very fun, especially when I’m about to dig into my plate of food. Just somehow your kid’s pinworms in his butt make me want to throw-up everywhere. (Seriously don’t Google pinworms unless you want to have nightmares tonight. Just don’t, like for serious).
4. Beyonce pregnant. Yes this made the list.
5. I’ve been married for 2 years. Which means we’re either in dog or baby territory, although I think we’ve bypassed the dog stage and are headed straight for cribs and pacifiers. I mean really we should be buying a house right now (according to the married people rule book), but seeing that I had to get all crazy and go off to California for grad school I threw a wrench in the timeline. So I dunno, is it house, dog, then baby? Or baby, dog, then house? Or maybe live in your parents basement, go gay club hopping, and star in a reality television show? Damnit I never remember the order.
and
6. I really want to be a mom.
In all seriousness, I do. Like a lot. Like every ounce of me wants to raise a family. To be a mom, a really really good mom. And watch my husband become a father, a really kind and sweet father.
But I know logistically right now is not the right time. I don’t have a job lined up for next year, don’t know where we’ll be living, and I haven’t fully figured out my medical issues.
I know there is no perfect timing (my perfectionism gene is still struggling to understand this one) and there are a lot ends to be tied up in my life right now. Adding a child to the mix of stressful life decisions isn’t the best idea, for me or anyone else. So while evolution has pre-programmed my body to want kids ASAP, my 21st century mindset is telling me that I need some more time. Now it’s just up to me to have a little patience with it all.
Are you feeling the push to have children? Or if you have children, how did you know it was the “right” time?
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It’s no secret that I’m not a kid person and my biological clock was thrown out the window years ago, but I completely respect people that have the desire to be a parent. What I respect most about this post is your thorough contemplation of things, as most people rush into huge decisions without considering the factors that should weigh into that decision.
Will you ever know when the time is “right?” Maybe, but then again, maybe not. I have to imagine that when you let go of your attachment to deadlines and expected results, you will have more energy and space devoted to being open to the possibilities. When it should happen, it will happen
And good lord, woman, you’re only 28!
P.S. I am jealous. I want curves. The end.
It’s like you wrote this for me! Yes, my baby clock is ticking and it’s driving me nuts! No end in sight to the madness of grad school, boyfriend of 6 years who won’t put a ring on it (yet), no real job, still living in an apartment, and I’m 29 (which means my ovaries are about to shrivel up, right?). Meanwhile, my BABY sister is due in less than a month, my best friend is having her second in 2 months, and every other family member or friend of mine is popping a child out every week! Ugh. Makes me confused and exhausted. Thanks for sharing and commiserating with me
Supposedly our time will come, blah, blah, blah.
Hillary Duff is pregnant. That made my list.
I’m 31. Married for 5 1/2 years. In a steady job. Done a lot of cool things. So, yup, my clock is ticking pretty loudly.
I know how you feel. My hubby and I have been together 8 years. I’m 28 now I have my MBA and a great stable job. We have a great house with 2 acres a dog and all to other fun stuff like a boat and 4wheelers. But we both assumed and said no kids but I never thought my clock would tick so loudly. And now I feel if we are gona change our mind and have a kid we need to soon but I knew he didn’t want kids when we got together and feel if I talk him into a kid I would be the one sacrificing everything. Every now and then he will say he kinda wants a baby which only makes it harder on me. What do I do? I ask myself this everyday
Hi Sara, I can’t imagine what you are going thru right now. The best thing I could tell you is to try to talk to your husband, if you are too scared to do it maybe next time he says something about babies jump in and say something to let him know you are open to that idea. You never know, maybe he wants a baby too and he is scared to let you know
best of lucks!
Oh, girl – I hear ya! I’ll be 30 in less than a month and I’m definitely feeling the pressure – from myself and from others. But Billy and I have been married 1 year, and we have some travel plans and a possible move to another city in the next year, so it’s just not quite time for us…but it’s ALWAYS in the back of my head. I think about it everyday.
You know you want to be a Mom. That’s huge. I always knew I didn’t want to be a Mom. I feel bad for people who aren’t sure, or who think they do but agonize about when they’ll “be ready.” Like Abby, I respect those who give this decision the thought it deserves. Unfortunately, this is one of those decisions which is sort of a leap of faith, no matter how much you think about it, because there’s no way to know what being a parent will be like until you do it.
I know I might live to regret my decision, but I believe it would be worse to regret the alternative.
Who is that adorable puppy? I want to steal him.
You’ll know when you know.
Everything will fall into place and NO the timing won’t be perfect as that does not exist… BUT the reasons why it’s not perfect will be different and possibly more acceptable.
Your health comes first, of course.
And it would be nice to find a job because it is hard to get hired when you are preggers. (Which is just wrong…but it is.)
Oh girl, I know how loudly that clock ticks. And I totally understand the turning 30 freak out. I recently read the article in Glamour too- but I also turned 30 last April and felt the natural panic. You are only 28, you still have a lot in the air, so give yourself time to figure things out. I found that taking steps just to get ready to start trying made me feel better- going off the pill, other meds, getting mentally prepared, etc. But hey, it can take a while to actually get pregnant, so if you and hubs are on the same page, maybe just see what happens?!
I’m not sure if I ever felt this need to be a mom…it just felt like the natural progression of things. I’d been married 5 years, and everyone was asking! I was 28 when I got pregnant, 29 when I had Maya. Honestly, I am so glad I waited as long as I did because it was a HUGE chance for me. HUGE!
It’ll happen at the right time for you and you’ll know when that is my friend. Until then, enjoy your sleep and weekend nights.
I’m 30 and have already had two children. My daughters are 7 and almost 4 and I have been feeling the biological clock tick very loudly the last year. I know for me personally, I will be too old to have children (just my own personal deadline) and that bothers me. I originally said I wanted to be finished having children by 30 but now that I am 30 and I haven’t had our 3rd child I feel like pushing it back to 35. I rationalize it all the time. We are waiting for my next career move hopefully at the end of this school year so we can afford daycare from a wonderful woman at our church. We’re kind of just waiting for the promotion.
You’re right about the biological clock ticking away! But then, I’ve always felt having a baby is a huge responsibility that never ends. You can never be fully prepared, as in saving a lot of money, buying a house etc. before you have a baby. You just need a regular source of income for support and lots of love in your heart to welcome the newborn.Had all this n more in mind when I had my baby 5 yrs back, hes now 5 years old. Have a nice day!
Hi Lindsey,
I’m stopping in from the BYW course and find your blog hysterical and so many of your posts resonate with me…as I too am 28 (which is definitely thirty…at least)…and lately have had the biological clock pounding so loudly it’s like I’m walking around with a grandfather clock strapped to my back. I’m with ya…we are nowhere near ready so on most days I’d like to tell the clock to take a hike and it seems that some women are having more and more trouble these days conceiving which scares me a bit…the way I look at it is this: My kid deserves the most from me and right now I can’t give it, so I will wait…but not too long!
Best wishes, and hope you enjoy the course!
I am only 23, soon to be 24, and my biological clock is ticking very loudly! This article speaks to me very much!! :S