Hi, I’m your Therapist
Therapist. Counselor. Shrink. Over-analyzing son-of-bitch who brought up your past issues with your parents and now you’re resentful for your lackluster childhood.
Whatever you want to call it.
I’ve found that over the years people have a lot of opinions about therapists. We’re right up there with lawyers and politicians in the public mind. And just like them (or maybe not them) I feel that we’re a bit misunderstood. For instance, at a recent cocktail party I had a conversation with someone about my work:
Semi-drunk person: So what do? Like where do you work?
Me: I’m a therapist. I work with kids in the city schools.
SDP: Oh shit you’re a therapist! Oh my god, you must be analyzing shit out of me right now! So like what am I thinking now?? Wait, wait don’t say anything cuz I’m not thinking of anything good enough.
Me: Ummm, well I can’t read minds. I just talk to people for a living.
SDP: Oh man that’s crazy stuff. I bet you meet with some real whackjobs!
Me: Well people can be pretty crazy (translation: YOU are pretty crazy AND drunk)
SDP: So are you going to tell me I have issues with my dad? Because I don’t. He’s just a dick. But we’re fine, so it’s like no big deal. Whatever I just want to get the hell out of the city. I’m gonna move some place like Mexico! Yeah!
Me: Ok well it was nice to meet you. I think my husband is calling me over there. Bye!
This conversation (which was sadly taken from a real conversation) is pretty common when the word therapist slips out of my mouth. Granted this guy was drunk, so let’s give him the benefit of the doubt that he would say smarter things if 3 shots of Jagermeister weren’t pumping through his veins.
For the rest of your sober folks out there, here are things you should know if you should ever happen to meet someone in the psychology profession:
1. Odds are we are analyzing you (yup sorry). But think of it this way, someone in sales is probably trying to hock you a product, a lawyer is likely going to argue their opinion, and a teacher will probably want you to learn something. It’s in the training.
2. Just because I’m a therapist does not mean I want you to tell me all about your past family issues while we’re at a party. I’m off the clock so book an appointment somewhere else.
3. Patients don’t typically lay on couches in our offices. Unless of course you can afford a $300 shrink, in that case you better make sure there are big comfy leather couches in those rooms!
4. Psychology does not equal Mindreader. I wish I had that power because then I would be able to understand why my husband never seems to be able to understand dirty clothes go IN the hamper and not besides the hamper.
5. Psychology does not equal Psychiatry. Psychiatrists prescribe meds because they have a medical degree. So stop asking me if I can give you another Adderall prescription.
6. Psychologist does not equal Magician. We can’t magically cure problems. But I can give you a pretty magic wand if it makes you feel better!
Now that I got that all off my chest, let’s talk about your Daddy issues. You’re 50 minutes starts now.
PS – I actually do like talking and listening to people’s personal stories if you can’t already tell from my blog, just not drunk people telling me stories that don’t make sense. For you all I will listen to anything 
What are YOUR perceptions of therapists?? I’m really interested to hear what outsiders think!
Related Posts
Tags
Share This
“Ummm, well I can’t read minds. I just talk to people for a living.” Too funny! I studied psych as an undergrad, and would get similar silly questions and assumptions.
My husband puts his clothes ON the hamper, instead of INSIDE the hamper. What is up with that?! He also likes to open doors, drawers, cabinets, etc and just walk away. I feel like I am constantly walking around closing them. haha
Seriously the laundry situation in our house drives me nuts!! I just don’t understand the logic….
Haha, love this. I think therapists are great and that we could all benefit from seeing one. I don’t have any friends who are therapists, but if I did I think it would be awesome to have someone analyzing me all the time. I love to talk about myself
I think all bloggers like to talk about themselves…hence blogs about our lives
I know I don’t mind some self love!
I saw a therapist for a year and I recommend this to all the folks I know. My sister told me once that she thinks we should all see a therapist regularly; like getting our teeth cleaned, we should get our soul cleaned. The world would be a happier place if all of us engaged in some talk therapy and cleaned out the junk. Seriously. I think the people who make an ass of themselves by acting like therapists are mind readers and magicians and so on are just afraid to face their issues. We all have issues. The human brain is complex and the human experience is tough at times and we are not equipped to heal from painful emotions ON OUR OWN. Therapists rule and more people should get out there and start shedding the layers of “stuff” they got going on in order to be happier individuals. P.S. I love your honest writing style. Thank you so much for sharing your world view.
Thanks so much for the great comment! I’ve personally seen several therapists and it’s just refreshing to talk to someone outside your close circle of friends and family. I 100% agree with your “cleaning out the junk” – it’s so wonderful when all that baggage is cleaned up!
Oh man. The analyzing thing is so true. I go to a really “bro-power” gym, and the guys there always try to “get my opinion” (by which I mean “entrap and try to mock me in a semi-friendly way”). For example, yesterday as we’re practicing our squat cleans, Bro #1 says “Little Timmy got an award for coming in 8th place at the spelling bee”
Bro #2: You see, that’s what is wrong with America. 8th place is LOSER status
Bro #1: Yeah, I mean I love the little bro, but he didn’t win so shouldn’t be getting an award. (turns to me) I should probably get him a therapist
Me: …
Bro #2: Yeah, you people are always telling people they’re winners – EVEN WHEN THEY AREN’T
Me: …
Bro #1: Yeah, I don’t want the little bro to be coddled. I think it’s time for him to HTFU.
What the…I don’t even…
Good stuff.
hahaha I can imagine this whole conversation happening. I just just smile politely and say generic statements, like “well as long as it makes him happy that’s great!”
I can probably recount pages upon pages of similar conversations, mixed in with street/airplane/elevator/line at the grocery store impromptu therapy sessions brought on my strangers…I had a professor long ago that warned us about this haha. It’s all part of the deal! To add to the “we are probably analyzing you” part…I agree but if anything I feel like this should make people better because at least we are trying to understand why people say or do things that most people would judge immediately. In that sense, our opinions of people are likely a bit more patient or understanding!
Anyhoo, thanks for sharing…I can definitely relate on many levels!!
Completely agree with you! I find myself analyzing people, but it’s more that I’m really interested in people’s stories. Again just not the drunk, dumb people – their stories I can skip
haha yes…those are a definite skip. I think one time a drunk guy asked me if I was analyzing him I told him that I was and that he didn’t want to know what my conclusions were
I’m afraid to tell people I’m a minister. Most of the time I end up hearing a 20 minute story about why the person doesn’t go to church.
Oh my god (seriously wrote that and refuse to delete it because it fits so perfectly) I can only imagine the lines you hear from people! It’s probably like a walking confessional.
That’s exactly what it’s like!